Ten To Zen Discussion Questions

1. What led the author to create the 'Ten to Zen' program?

The author, Owen O'Kane, was inspired to develop the 'Ten to Zen' program after a session with a client named Jane, who expressed that the suggested practice of thirty minutes of mindfulness meditation daily was unrealistic given her busy and stressful life. Jane was overwhelmed, juggling a full-time job, four children, and an alcoholic spouse. This interaction highlighted for O'Kane the common struggle many face in finding time for mindfulness and self-care, leading him to create a program that could be effective within just ten minutes a day.

2. What are the two main components of the Ten to Zen method?

The Ten to Zen method consists of two main components: the 'foundation' layer and the 'top' layer. The 'foundation' includes practical skills such as breathing, meditation, and mindfulness that help individuals slow their minds and improve mental clarity. The 'top' layer consists of principles for living—commitments based on compassion, acceptance, and authenticity—that can be integrated into daily routines. Together, these components work to help individuals care for their mental well-being in a way that fits into busy lives.

3. How does O'Kane address the challenge of mental distress in his program?

O'Kane acknowledges that individuals like Jane may not be able to instantly calm their minds when stressed; instead, they often need structured guidance to create mental space. The Ten to Zen solution provides a clear, structured approach that includes techniques for slowing down mind activity, breathing exercises, and psychological strategies from various therapeutic perspectives. The aim is to help individuals manage their thoughts and emotions more effectively, creating a safe mental space to reflect and breathe.

4. What therapeutic approaches does O'Kane draw from for the Ten to Zen program?

O'Kane draws from several therapeutic approaches to inform the Ten to Zen program, including mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and interpersonal and compassion-focused therapies. Mindfulness encourages living in the present moment, while CBT addresses the connection between thoughts and feelings. EMDR techniques are used for grounding and calming, and compassion-focused therapies aim to foster kindness toward oneself and others. By incorporating these diverse methods, O'Kane crafts a holistic approach to mental wellness.

5. What is the concept of the 'mental cloak' mentioned in the chapter?

The 'mental cloak' is a metaphorical concept that O'Kane introduces as part of the Ten to Zen practice. It symbolizes the principles of self-compassion, acceptance, and authenticity that individuals adopt during their Ten to Zen time. The idea is to wear this 'cloak' mentally each day as a means of preparation to face daily challenges while encouraging a kinder internal dialogue. This cloak is a tool for resilience and a reminder of the commitments one has made to foster a healthier mindset.

1. What does Joe's story illustrate about the process of change?

Joe’s story serves as a compelling example of the journey to self-improvement and the reality that change requires effort and commitment. Initially, Joe sought a quick solution to his issues surrounding confidence and worry, humorously wishing for a 'ready-meal version' of therapy. However, he learned that real change cannot be achieved without personal involvement and daily commitment. Throughout his therapy, Joe confronted various life challenges, and despite initially feeling like 'a nobody', he emerged with a newfound belief in his value and ambitions, ultimately pursuing his goal of becoming a journalist. This illustrates that while the journey of change can be uncomfortable and requires stepping outside one's comfort zone, significant personal growth is possible with dedication.

2. How does the author differentiate between wanting to change and committing to change?

The author emphasizes a crucial distinction between simply wanting to change and making a tangible commitment to it. Wanting to change is often a passive desire, where one may express dissatisfaction with their current state without taking action. In contrast, making a real commitment involves actively prioritizing and dedicating time to effortful practice aimed at change. The examples of both Joe and Mary highlight how actual progress begins when individuals make a conscious decision to engage with the necessary work, such as the daily Ten to Zen workout, rather than merely wishing for a better situation. The act of committing is framed as essential for transformation, emphasizing that successful change requires intentionality and discipline.

3. What are the essential components of the Ten to Zen practice as introduced in this chapter?

The essential components of the Ten to Zen practice, as introduced in this chapter, revolve around dedicating ten minutes each day to mental wellbeing. This practice is structured like a workout, necessitating regular commitment and engagement to yield results. The author encourages readers to actively participate in this mental workout, which includes utilizing various techniques to promote calmness, perspective, and self-management during anxiety-provoking situations. The chapter outlines the necessity of creating time for this practice, treating it as a priority for one’s mental health, similar to how physical workouts are approached for physical health. Participants are urged to create a personal contractual agreement, committing to show up for themselves daily and practice mental care with kindness.

4. What insights does the author provide about the nature of our minds and mental wellbeing?

The author shares valuable insights into the nature of our minds, particularly highlighting how they can often act against our best interests. During stressful times, our minds may become hyperactive, operating under 'threat mode,' which can lead to distorted thinking patterns, like catastrophizing. This chapter stresses that our minds should receive the same care and attention as our physical bodies. Through engaging practices like the Ten to Zen workout, individuals can learn to manage their mental processes more effectively, regain perspective, and cultivate a calmer internal state. The author also points out that kindness and compassion in how we relate to ourselves can lead to profound changes in mental health and wellbeing, encouraging readers to treat their minds with greater compassion to facilitate healing and peace.

5. What is the purpose of the reflective moments encouraged by the author throughout the chapter?

The purpose of the reflective moments encouraged by the author is to prompt readers to engage actively with their desire for change and to foster self-awareness regarding their mental state and daily habits. These moments of reflection serve several critical functions: they encourage individuals to evaluate their commitment to change, to contemplate their current mental wellbeing, and to articulate personal agreements that promote accountability in their journey. By pausing to think and write about their feelings and commitments, readers are invited to connect authentically with their motivations for seeking change, emphasizing that this self-reflection is a foundational step toward embracing the transformational journey outlined in the Ten to Zen practice.

1. What does the story of John in chapter 3 illustrate about the brain's tendency to create narratives?

John's story exemplifies how the brain can quickly generate extreme narratives based on limited information. His experience, where he presumed the worst upon finding his mother missing from her hospital cubicle, illustrates the mind's tendency to leap to catastrophic conclusions. John initially thought his mother had died, revealing how easily the brain can spiral into fear and worry when it does not have all the facts, showcasing the irrational nature of our thoughts.

2. How does the chapter explain the concept of brain plasticity and its relevance to mental health?

Brain plasticity refers to the brain's ability to change and adapt over time, allowing for new learning and behavior patterns. The chapter emphasizes that while our brains absorb a mix of true and untrue information during formative years, plasticity allows us to rewire these learned responses, especially those formed under stress. This concept is crucial for mental health, as it suggests that individuals can alter unhelpful thought patterns and develop healthier responses through intentional practice and mindfulness techniques.

3. What role do neuropathways play in how we think and react, according to the chapter?

Neuropathways are described as circuits that transmit information between different regions of the brain and the nervous system, influencing our thought processes, emotional responses, and behaviors. As stress responses become ingrained through repeated experiences, these pathways set off automated reactions, leading to habitual patterns of thinking and behavior. Understanding this allows individuals to recognize that their automatic responses are not fixed and that with practice, they can change these patterns for better emotional regulation.

4. What strategies does the chapter suggest for managing chaotic thoughts and anxiety?

The chapter recommends several strategies, including mindfulness practices to help individuals observe their thoughts without engaging. This includes the 'Ten to Zen' workout, which emphasizes intentional pausing to notice thoughts and feelings, and to understand that not every thought is a truth requiring action. Techniques such as focusing on breath, acknowledging emotions like shame, and reframing negative thoughts as mere stories rather than facts are encouraged as ways to regain control over one's mind.

5. What insights does the chapter provide about the relationship between shame and mental health, and how can it be addressed?

The chapter highlights that shame is a pervasive issue affecting mental wellbeing, differentiating it from guilt. While guilt can serve as a constructive emotion that prompts positive change, shame is often toxic and can lead to a cycle of negative self-beliefs. The chapter advocates for an approach that involves acknowledging and addressing shame rather than silencing it. Through the '3 As' method—attend, announce, appreciate—individuals can confront their feelings of shame, fostering self-compassion and breaking free from unhelpful thinking patterns.

1. What is the main purpose of the first minute in the Ten to Zen practice described in Chapter 4?

The first minute is centered around the concept of 'Stopping,' which is essential for entering a state of mindfulness. It allows individuals to pause their daily activities, take a moment for reflection, and check in on their current emotional state. This moment of stopping paves the way for mental clarity, awareness, and an opportunity for self-care, as it helps to slow down brain processes and reduce internal chaos.

2. How does the author suggest individuals deal with negative emotions during the 'Checking In' step?

The author encourages individuals to approach negative emotions as 'human emotions' rather than labeling them negatively. This involves two steps: acknowledging the emotions and accepting them without judgment. By recognizing that all feelings have a purpose and can teach us something, individuals can create a sense of ease and start to deactivate the overactive threat response in their brains. Accepting these emotions as part of humanity helps to alleviate distress and fosters self-compassion.

3. What challenges do individuals face when trying to stop for the Ten to Zen practice, according to the chapter?

The chapter outlines five common challenges: 1) feeling too busy to take ten minutes for oneself; 2) lacking a quiet space to practice; 3) believing that meditation or stillness will not work for them; 4) uncertainty about the effectiveness of the practice for their specific situation; and 5) prioritizing other tasks over self-care. The author addresses these excuses by emphasizing the importance of self-care and mental well-being, asserting that even a brief commitment to stopping is beneficial.

4. What are the recommended times to practice Ten to Zen, and why is morning suggested as ideal?

The author recommends practicing Ten to Zen at the start of each day, as it helps to organize and set the brain's function positively for the rest of the day. Morning practice creates order in the mind, which can influence subsequent experiences and responses to challenges throughout the day. However, the author acknowledges that individuals can adapt the timing based on what suits their lifestyle, including using the workout at challenging moments during the day or at bedtime.

5. How does the author reinforce the idea that stopping is crucial before engaging in other aspects of the Ten to Zen routine?

The author emphasizes that stopping is foundational to the practice; without it, the subsequent steps cannot be effectively executed. The chapter compares the need to plan for stopping to preparing for a gym workout—it’s essential. The author encourages readers to find a quiet, comfortable space, remain undisturbed, and approach the practice with an open mind, underscoring that committing to this stopping is half the battle in establishing a beneficial mental routine.

1. What is the purpose of the calm space mentioned in Chapter 5 of 'Ten to Zen'?

The purpose of the calm space is to provide a mental sanctuary where individuals can quickly access peace and relaxation during overwhelming situations. The calm space helps in settling the mind by creating an imagined environment that fosters tranquility, allowing individuals to step away from life's demands and regain clarity.

2. What technique does Owen O'Kane recommend for achieving the calm space, and what are its components?

Owen O'Kane recommends a technique known as bilateral stimulation, commonly used in EMDR therapy, which includes three components: Visualization (creating an image of a calm space), Language (identifying a name for this space), and Tapping (using a rhythmic left-to-right tapping motion to reinforce the installation of the calm space). This combination helps induce feelings of relaxation and mental clarity.

3. How does the tapping technique contribute to achieving a calm emotional state?

The tapping technique contributes to a calm emotional state by activating physiological stimuli that act as a diversion, which can reshape negative emotional responses in the brain. Research shows that tapping creates relaxation effects, helps ease fixation on negative thoughts, aids in gaining mental distance from problems, and generally decreases worry, leading to a more relaxed state.

4. What safety considerations are mentioned regarding the use of tapping in this chapter?

The chapter emphasizes that tapping should be approached with caution by individuals who experience hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli, such as those with neurological issues, past brain injuries, migraines, complex PTSD, or dissociative identity disorders. If discomfort arises or if someone is uncertain about using tapping, they should consult a trained EMDR therapist and may replace tapping with a more comfortable technique like deep breathing.

5. What steps should a reader follow to effectively utilize their calm space in future moments of stress?

To effectively utilize their calm space, readers should follow these steps: 1) Stop and check in with themselves. 2) Visualize their chosen calm space and mentally associate a word with it. 3) Implement tapping by alternating taps on their thighs or arms while visualizing and repeating the associated word. This process, practiced over time, allows an individual to quickly return to their calm space during stressful moments, promoting immediate relaxation and grounding.

1. How did Samuel's perception of breathing change during his therapy session?

Initially, Samuel viewed his breath as a threat, worrying that he might stop breathing while trying to focus on it during his panic attacks. However, when prompted by his therapist, he realized he had never actually stopped breathing, which led him to reassess his relationship with breath. He began to see his breath as a source of power and strength, which enabled him to calm himself and alter the negative interpretation of his panic-attack symptoms.

2. What are the two main components of breath work outlined in this chapter, and how do they function?

The breath work in this chapter is divided into two parts, each lasting a minute: The first part focuses on rhythmic breathing for about a minute, where one consciously breathes in a slow, rhythmic manner while observing the breath. This practice aims to anchor individuals in the present moment and promote calmness. The second part emphasizes observing the body's sensations while breathing naturally, which allows for the release of tension in the body, reinforcing the mind-body connection and promoting relaxation.

3. What significance does mindfulness play in the context of breathing and mental calmness, according to this chapter?

Mindfulness is highlighted as a central aspect of the breathing practice. By training the brain to focus on a single aspect, such as breathing, individuals can redirect their attention away from chaotic thoughts, thus reducing mental activity and promoting a sense of calm. This form of focus gives the brain a purposeful task that alleviates anxiety and encourages the practice of living in the present, enhancing overall well-being.

4. What physiological benefits are associated with mindful breathing as described in this chapter?

Mindful breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, resulting in feelings of calmness while simultaneously decreasing the sympathetic nervous system’s activity, which reduces stress responses. MRI scans have shown reduced activity in the amygdala, the brain's threat center, leading to improved concentration, focus, and creativity. Additionally, the physical relaxation achieved through mindful breathing positively influences mental states and contributes to overall well-being and happiness.

5. What imagery techniques does the chapter suggest to enhance the experience of breathing?

The chapter suggests various visualizations to enhance the breath work experience. These include 'topping up the tank' to symbolize recharging energy, connecting with a higher power for renewal, and envisioning relationships with nature or the universe to invoke feelings of strength. Each individual is encouraged to choose a visualization that resonates personally, which can transform the act of breathing into a powerful mechanism for personal change and empowerment.

1. What is the central theme of Chapter 7 in 'Ten to Zen'?

The central theme of Chapter 7, titled 'Minutes Six and Seven – Time to Tame Your Thoughts,' focuses on identifying and managing negative thought patterns. The chapter emphasizes the importance of recognizing that we are not defined by our thoughts and challenges the belief systems that we often develop due to our backgrounds and experiences. Through examples and techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the chapter guides readers to examine their thoughts, beliefs, and core beliefs to foster a healthier mindset.

2. How does the author illustrate the impact of negative thought patterns using the example of the woman who believed she was not good enough?

The author shares the story of a woman who, despite her successful life, struggled with feelings of inadequacy rooted in her impoverished background. It is only after she researches her genealogy and discovers a royal lineage that she realizes her long-held beliefs about herself were unfounded. This example underscores the idea that our self-perceptions are often influenced by unfounded beliefs rather than objective truths, highlighting the potential to change these thoughts and improve self-worth.

3. What role does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) play in the techniques provided for managing thoughts in this chapter?

In this chapter, CBT is presented as a framework for understanding how thoughts influence emotions and behaviors. The author explains that thoughts form the top layer of a 'cake' that includes beliefs and core beliefs underneath. By identifying and addressing negative thought patterns, individuals can create positive changes in their beliefs and ultimately in their core beliefs. The chapter outlines practical steps to observe thoughts without judgment and encourages readers to challenge their patterns of thinking to develop a more adaptive mindset.

4. What is the author's perspective on 'positive thinking,' and how does it differ from 'adaptive thinking'?

The author expresses a clear distinction between 'positive thinking' and 'adaptive thinking.' He critiques positive thinking as often unrealistic, especially in tough situations, arguing that it can dismiss genuine feelings of loss or struggle. Instead, he advocates for adaptive thinking, which involves acknowledging and embracing the complexities of life and encouraging realistic and constructive thought processes. Adaptive thinking allows individuals to navigate difficult emotions without sugarcoating their experiences.

5. What are some practical exercises recommended in the chapter for readers to identify and manage their negative thought patterns?

The chapter suggests several practical exercises to help readers manage their negative thoughts: 1. **Identify Unhelpful Thought Patterns**: Take note of recurring negative thoughts and beliefs, recognizing them as patterns that don't define one's identity. 2. **Evidence Examination**: Challenge these thoughts by assessing the evidence supporting them, distinguishing between valid concerns and irrational fears. 3. **Observation Technique**: Engage in mindfulness practices, such as observing thoughts as they arise, akin to watching clouds pass in the sky. This helps create distance between the individual and their thoughts. 4. **List of Thought Patterns**: Create a character list for different thought patterns (e.g., The Critical Judge, The Dramatist) to depersonalize them and approach them with humor and curiosity.

1. What personal anecdote does Owen O'Kane share in Chapter 8 to illustrate the concept of mindfulness?

Owen recounts an experience with a lawyer named Tommy who was initially skeptical of mindfulness, calling it 'mumbo jumbo'. During a workshop, when asked about what helped him recharge, Tommy described beach holidays where he could let go of everything and enjoy the moment, which Owen interpreted as a form of mindfulness. Tommy didn't realize he had been practicing mindfulness by fully engaging with his surroundings, emphasizing that such moments of awareness are available to everyone at any time, even in everyday activities.

2. How does Owen define mindfulness in the context of his teachings?

Owen describes mindfulness as the practice of being aware of the present moment without judgment. He states that its roots are in Buddhist traditions but emphasizes that his approach is secular and accessible. Mindfulness encourages individuals to let go of the past and future worries, bringing focus to the present, which can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

3. What key practices does Owen suggest for achieving mindfulness during Minutes Eight and Nine of the Ten to Zen workout?

Owen suggests several focal points for achieving mindfulness, including: 1) Observing the breath without trying to change it, 2) Noticing changes in the body, including sensations and areas of tension, 3) Listening to the sounds around oneself without creating narratives about them, and 4) Acknowledging and being present with emotional states. The emphasis is on maintaining a single point of focus while allowing distractions to be gently redirected back to that focus, thus retraining the mind to be present.

4. What benefits does Owen mention as a result of practicing mindfulness?

Owen cites numerous benefits of mindfulness supported by research, including healthier brain scans, improved sleep and overall well-being, enhanced concentration, memory, and mood, decreased anxiety, and better performance in both academic and workplace settings. He notes that practitioners of mindfulness also often experience an improved ability to manage stress and emotional challenges.

5. How does Owen conclude Chapter 8, and what message does he want readers to take away regarding mindfulness?

Owen concludes Chapter 8 by highlighting the lessons learned from individuals facing mortality, stressing that each moment is a gift, and we should appreciate the present. He advocates for making a conscious decision to live fully in the moment, as it can liberate us from the burdens of the past and anxiety about the future. He encourages readers to embrace mindfulness as a practice that can lead to significant life changes, emphasizing that stillness and awareness in the present moment open the door to greater understanding and appreciation of life.

1. What therapeutic technique did Owen O'Kane develop for his client Charlie and how did it help him?

Owen O'Kane developed the technique of a 'mental cloak' for his client Charlie, who was an actor struggling with severe stage fright and anxiety. The technique involved Charlie mentally visualizing himself putting on an imaginary velvet cloak that he associated with feelings of stability and calm, which he experienced when wearing it during a past performance. This visualization acted as a protective and comforting mechanism, helping Charlie feel more confident and less anxious before his shows. The technique proved to be successful and has since been applied to many others experiencing anxiety.

2. What are the three core principles that O'Kane emphasizes in the Ten to Zen framework, and how does he suggest they can affect daily life?

The three core principles emphasized in the Ten to Zen framework are: Acceptance, Compassion, and Authenticity. O'Kane suggests that integrating these principles into daily life can transform one's experience by providing a sense of support and stability. Acceptance encourages individuals to acknowledge and embrace their circumstances without judgment, leading to reduced distress and greater peace. Compassion fosters a kinder relationship with oneself and others, enhancing overall well-being. Authenticity promotes living in alignment with one’s true self, allowing for honest expression and deeper connections with others. Together, these principles can guide individuals in managing their thoughts and emotions, fostering a calmer and more fulfilling life.

3. How does O'Kane distinguish between acceptance and defeat, particularly in challenging life situations?

O'Kane clarifies that acceptance is not synonymous with defeat or failure. He emphasizes that acceptance involves acknowledging situations that cannot be changed, like grief or illness, without resigning oneself to passivity. Instead, acceptance allows for emotional processing and can lead to clarity and peace, even in dire circumstances. He argues that resisting acceptance in the face of life's inevitable challenges only increases psychological distress. Instead of viewing acceptance as a weakness, O'Kane frames it as a brave and dignified acknowledgment of reality that facilitates healing and comprehension.

4. Why does O'Kane stress the importance of authenticity in the context of living a fulfilled life?

O'Kane underscores authenticity as a crucial component of leading a fulfilled life because authentic living involves expressing one’s true self rather than conforming to external expectations or social norms. He highlights that true engagement with life comes through embracing both joy and pain, which resonates universally across different life experiences. Authentic individuals are magnetic and influential because they radiate genuine presence and confidence, allowing for deeper connections and trust. O'Kane posits that without authenticity, efforts to calm the mind or improve well-being may be superficial and ultimately unfulfilled.

5. What practical suggestion does O'Kane provide for incorporating the principles of Ten to Zen into daily life?

O'Kane suggests a practical approach to incorporating the Ten to Zen principles into daily life by visualizing donning the 'mental cloak' each day. In the final minute of the Ten to Zen workout, he encourages individuals to take a moment to reflect on and mentally embody the principles of acceptance, compassion, and authenticity. Additionally, he recommends creating a physical reminder, such as a small card with these principles and their meanings, to carry around, ensuring that these concepts remain present and actionable throughout the day. This practice reinforces a connection to one’s inner strength and enhances mindfulness in facing daily challenges.

1. What is the main focus of Chapter 10 in 'Ten to Zen'?

Chapter 10, titled 'Beyond Ten to Zen', primarily emphasizes the importance of integrating mindfulness techniques into daily life, especially when traditional ten-minute sessions may not be feasible. The author, Owen O'Kane, addresses the common dilemma where individuals, like Michael who is too busy, feel they cannot commit to a daily practice. He introduces the 'Emergency Two to Zen' technique and discusses key principles for maintaining mental wellbeing beyond the initial mindfulness program.

2. What is the 'Emergency Two to Zen' technique, and when can it be used?

The 'Emergency Two to Zen' technique is a condensed two-minute mindfulness workout that can be utilized in high-stress situations when the full ten-minute practice cannot be performed. Situations include difficult meetings, public speaking, or personal conflicts. The technique consists of several steps: 1) stopping to check in with oneself, 2) connecting to a calm space through visualization and bilateral taps, 3) taking three deep breaths, 4) noticing and letting go of unhelpful thoughts, and 5) being present in the moment. This process is designed to help individuals manage their immediate emotional responses more effectively, providing a 'rescue remedy' during unexpected challenges.

3. What are some of the key lifestyle tips introduced in this chapter for maintaining mental wellbeing?

Owen O'Kane provides several lifestyle tips that reinforce the Ten to Zen principles, including: 1) **Asking for Help** - Acknowledging the need for support from others; 2) **Surrounding Yourself with Positive Influences** - Engaging with 'radiators' who uplift rather than 'drains' who deplete your mental energy; 3) **Taking Responsibility for Your Life** - Understanding that you are in control and responsible for your choices and wellbeing; 4) **Engaging in Activities** - Actively participating in life and activities can boost mood; 5) **Exercise** - Incorporating physical activity as it enhances mood and reduces stress; 6) **Prioritizing Sleep and Nutrition** - Recognizing the importance of rest and a healthy diet for emotional balance.

4. What overarching message does Owen O'Kane hope to convey about mindfulness practice?

Owen O'Kane emphasizes that commitment to the Ten to Zen mindfulness practice can lead to significant changes in one’s mental state and decision-making capacity, promoting a calmer and more authentic life. He urges readers to prioritize their mental wellbeing and to adopt these practices as tools for resilience. The ultimate message is that while life can be unpredictable and busy, incorporating even brief moments of mindfulness can provide substantial benefits, enabling individuals to handle the ups and downs of daily life more effectively, promoting hope and positive transformation.

5. How does the chapter conclude regarding the lessons learned from working with the terminally ill?

The chapter concludes with ten key lessons gleaned from O'Kane's experiences with the terminally ill, which serve as profound reminders for living. These lessons include appreciating life’s impermanence, the importance of letting go of negative emotions, embracing simplicity, living authentically, and fostering loving relationships. He suggests that these insights, along with the practice of mindfulness, can guide individuals toward a more compassionate and fulfilling existence. The overarching sentiment is one of hope, underscoring that engaging deeply with life can alter one’s experience of suffering and joy.