Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure and anticipation that I welcome you to today’s interview with the renowned scholar, author, and sex educator, Emily Nagoski. Known for her groundbreaking work in the field of human sexuality, Nagoski has become a leading voice, empowering individuals to embrace and understand their own unique sexualities.
In an era where discussions surrounding sex and pleasure are still largely stigmatized, Nagoski fearlessly challenges societal norms and opens up conversations that have long been considered taboo. Her innovative research and compassionate approach have not only transformed the lives of countless individuals but also revolutionized the way we view and discuss our intimate experiences.
With her critically acclaimed book, “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” Nagoski has captivated readers by debunking myths, unraveling the complexities of desire, and emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance. Through her writing and speaking engagements, she has shattered the barriers of shame and provided a safe space for all individuals to explore their own sexuality without judgment or fear.
Today, in our enlightening interview, we have the privilege of delving into the mind of Emily Nagoski as we explore the depths of her knowledge, experience, and passion. From the challenges she has faced in her own journey to the transformative power of understanding sexual well-being, we will unravel the secrets she holds to help us all create a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling sexuality.
So, without further ado, let us dive into this conversation with the remarkable Emily Nagoski and uncover the pearls of wisdom she has to offer as we navigate the complexities of human desire, pleasure, and connection.
Emily Nagoski is a renowned American sex educator, researcher, and author known for her groundbreaking work in the field of human sexuality. With a career that spans over two decades, Nagoski has devoted her life to helping individuals better understand and embrace their sexual selves. She combines both scientific research and personal anecdotes to deliver a compassionate and inclusive perspective on the complexities of human desire.
Nagoski holds a Ph.D. in Health Behavior and has taught at prestigious institutions such as Smith College and the University of Delaware. Her expertise lies in sexual health and the factors that influence it, including stress, societal norms, and interpersonal relationships. By debunking myths and challenging societal constructs surrounding sexuality, Nagoski empowers individuals to develop a healthier and more authentic relationship with their bodies and desires.
In her critically acclaimed book, “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” Nagoski explores the intricate workings of the human mind and body, offering practical guidance to both men and women on enhancing their sexual well-being. The book became an instant sensation, receiving widespread acclaim and cementing Nagoski’s role in revolutionizing the way society understands and approaches sexuality.
As a gifted speaker and educator, Nagoski has presented her research and ideas at conferences and workshops worldwide. Her ability to engage and connect with audiences, coupled with her empathetic approach, has made her a sought-after guest on countless podcasts and talk shows.
Emily Nagoski’s unwavering dedication to destigmatizing and demystifying human sexuality has earned her immense respect and accolades within the field. By blending scientific knowledge with personal experiences, she offers a refreshing perspective that challenges long-standing norms while promoting love, acceptance, and pleasure in all aspects of life.
10 Thought-Provoking Questions with Emily Nagoski
1. Can you provide ten Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski quotes to our readers?
Come as You Are quotes as follows:
a) “The stress of trying to make yourself feel desire can have the opposite effect.”
b) “Women have desire too, but it doesn’t work the same as men’s does.”
c) “Remember that it’s normal for desire to ebb and flow.”
d) “Feeling desire is not a reliable measure of whether you’re healthy or normal.”
e) “Your desire, just as it is right now, is normal.”
f) “Your body was built to experience pleasure.”
g) “The goal is to help women accept who they are and enjoy the sex they’re having.”
h) “There is no splitting desire into normal vs. not normal.”
i) “Our culture tells women that they shouldn’t want sex.”
j) “The most important sexual organ is the brain.”
2.What inspired you to write “Come as You Are”? Can you share the story behind the book and explain why you felt compelled to explore the topic of female sexuality and desire?
The inspiration behind my book “Come as You Are” stems from my personal journey and professional experience as a sex educator. Throughout my career, I witnessed countless women struggling with their sexuality and desire. I realized that our society had created an unrealistic and narrow definition of what constitutes “normal” female sexuality, leading to feelings of shame, guilt, and inadequacy among women.
Driven by this awareness, I delved into research and discovered a wealth of scientific knowledge about women’s sexual response. The more I learned, the more compelled I felt to share this information with women and help them understand their own bodies and desires on a deeper level.
I wanted to challenge the conventional wisdom and debunk myths by presenting evidence-based information in a relatable and accessible manner. My aim was to empower women to embrace their unique sexuality, break free from societal expectations, and cultivate a healthier sense of self-acceptance and sexual well-being.
“Come as You Are” became a labor of love, combining personal stories, scientific studies, and practical exercises. Ultimately, I hoped to create a resource that would support women in embracing and celebrating their sexual selves, and help them navigate their own unique journey of pleasure and desire.
3.Your book delves into the complexities of female sexual response and desire. Can you discuss some of the key insights and advice you offer to help women understand and embrace their unique sexuality?
In my book, I delve into the complexities of female sexual response and desire with the aim of helping women understand and embrace their unique sexuality. One key insight I provide is the understanding that women’s desire is not as straightforward as a physical response. I explain how desire originates from a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors, debunking the myth of spontaneous and constant desire. By exploring these complexities, women can better understand the fluctuating nature of their own desires and how external influences impact them.
I also offer advice on cultivating a positive sexual self-image and combating the insecurities and pressures that society often imposes on women’s bodies and sexualities. Encouraging self-compassion and self-acceptance, I provide guidance on creating a safe and comfortable environment for exploring and expressing desires.
Moreover, I underline the importance of communication and consent, empowering women to assert their boundaries and openly communicate their needs and desires to their partners. I equip women with tools to enhance their sexual communication skills and foster healthier and more satisfying intimate relationships.
Overall, my book provides a holistic view of female sexuality, helping women recognize and embrace their unique desires, while empowering them to navigate the complex intricacies of their sexual lives.
4.”Come as You Are” highlights the role of stress and societal expectations on women’s sexual experiences. How can women navigate these influences to foster a healthier and more satisfying sexual life, as discussed in your book?
In my book “Come As You Are,” I discuss how stress and societal expectations significantly impact women’s sexual experiences. Women face various pressures, including the unrealistic portrayal of sexuality in media, cultural narratives around feminine desirability, and the constant need to balance multiple roles. To navigate these influences and foster a healthier and more satisfying sexual life, I propose several strategies.
Firstly, understanding that stress affects sexual response and taking steps to manage stress can be vital. Prioritizing self-care, engaging in stress-reducing activities, and cultivating supportive relationships can all contribute to better overall well-being and sexual satisfaction.
Secondly, challenging societal expectations is crucial. Recognizing that women’s desires and bodies vary widely, and embracing individual differences and preferences, can help women confidently explore their unique sexual journeys.
Lastly, effective communication, both with oneself and with partners, is essential. Open and honest conversations about desires, boundaries, and fantasies can foster a deep sense of connection and increase sexual pleasure.
By integrating these concepts into our lives, women can empower themselves to embrace a healthier, more fulfilling sexual life, free from external pressures and guided by their own unique desires and needs.
5.Can you provide insights into the concept of “contextual sexual desire” and its significance in understanding women’s sexual responses, as presented in your book?
“Contextual sexual desire” is a central concept in my book, “Come as You Are,” that emphasizes the importance of understanding women’s sexual responses within the broader context of their lives. It challenges the traditional belief that women’s desire is solely spontaneous and implies that desire is more responsive and context-dependent. Context encompasses everything from physical, emotional, and relational factors to cultural, societal, and situational influences. By recognizing that context plays a significant role in women’s sexual experiences, we can better understand their desire fluctuations and variability.
This understanding empowers women by affirming that their sexuality is normal and valid, regardless of how it deviates from societal norms. It also emphasizes the critical role of communication and consent in fostering pleasurable sexual experiences. Recognizing contextual sexual desire allows us to acknowledge that desire does not operate in a linear, predictable manner but has a complex interplay with various factors.
Ultimately, contextual sexual desire helps debunk myths and promote a more inclusive and comprehensive understanding of women’s sexual responses, promoting healthier and more fulfilling sexual lives.
6.Your work draws from scientific research and psychological perspectives. How does scientific knowledge inform your teachings in the book, and how can readers apply this knowledge to enhance their sexual well-being?
My work is deeply rooted in scientific research and draws extensively from psychological perspectives. Throughout my book, I rely on scientific knowledge to provide a robust understanding of human sexuality and its complexities. I explore the latest findings in biology, neuroscience, psychology, and sociology to shed light on various aspects of human sexual well-being.
By presenting readers with evidence-based information, I aim to dispel myths, challenge societal narratives, and provide a comprehensive understanding of sexual functioning. This information acts as a foundation for readers to embrace a more holistic and compassionate approach towards their own sexuality.
Readers can apply this knowledge to enhance their sexual well-being by gaining a deeper understanding of their bodies, desires, and preferences. Armed with accurate information, readers can challenge internalized shame and negative beliefs, fostering a more positive and accepting attitude towards themselves and their partner(s). Moreover, understanding the biological, psychological, and social factors that influence sexual experiences empowers individuals to explore and communicate their needs effectively, creating a healthier and more satisfying sexual journey.
7.In “Come as You Are,” you emphasize the importance of communication and self-compassion in sexual relationships. How can individuals and couples use these principles to improve their intimate connections?
In “Come as You Are,” I emphasize the significance of communication and self-compassion in sexual relationships as key principles to improve intimate connections. Firstly, effective communication is essential for understanding each other’s needs, desires, and boundaries. By openly discussing our expectations, preferences, and fears, we can create a safe and pleasurable space for exploration and growth. This includes fostering a culture of consent and actively seeking enthusiastic, ongoing consent.
Secondly, self-compassion plays a crucial role in enhancing intimate connections. Understanding that our sexual experiences are influenced by numerous factors, such as stress, fatigue, or body image concerns, we can offer ourselves kindness and acceptance. By normalizing and accepting our own experiences and desires, we can reduce performance anxiety and improve overall satisfaction.
As a couple, both partners can actively practice these principles. Encouraging open dialogue, active listening, and creating a non-judgmental environment can foster trust and intimacy. Additionally, learning to extend compassion and understanding towards oneself and one’s partner can deepen empathy and connection.
By incorporating these principles of communication and self-compassion, individuals and couples can embark on a journey towards more fulfilling and intimate connections, cultivating a deep sense of pleasure, understanding, and harmony in their sexual relationships.
8.The book discusses the role of body image and self-esteem in sexual confidence. What advice do you offer to help women build a positive self-image and boost their sexual self-esteem?
In my book, I emphasize the importance of body image and self-esteem in cultivating sexual confidence. To help women build a positive self-image and boost their sexual self-esteem, I offer several pieces of advice. Firstly, I encourage women to challenge societal beauty standards and embrace their bodies exactly as they are. Recognizing that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms is essential. Secondly, I emphasize the significance of self-compassion and self-care. Engaging in activities that make them feel good, such as exercise, grooming, or dressing in a way that aligns with their personal sense of style, can be empowering. Additionally, I stress the need for communication and consent in sexual relationships. Openly discussing desires, boundaries, and preferences can help women feel more confident and in control. Lastly, I encourage women to prioritize pleasure and explore their own bodies, discovering what brings them joy and satisfaction. Through these practices, women can lay the foundation for a positive self-image and ultimately boost their sexual self-esteem.
9.How has your own background in psychology and sex education influenced your approach to writing “Come as You Are” and helping women embrace their sexuality and desires?
My background in psychology and sex education has played a crucial role in shaping my approach to writing “Come as You Are” and supporting women in embracing their sexuality and desires. Drawing from my psychological knowledge, I integrate research and evidence-based theories to demystify complex concepts about women’s sexuality and relationships.
My understanding of the psychological factors that influence sexual experiences helps me communicate key ideas effectively. By addressing topics like body image, stress, and self-esteem, I emphasize that sexual well-being goes beyond physical aspects. My background in sex education allows me to provide accurate and up-to-date information, empowering women to make informed choices.
Moreover, I prioritize inclusivity and intersectionality, considering the diverse experiences of women. My aim is to create a safe space for all readers, appreciating the unique complexities of each individual’s sexual journey. By combining psychological insights with accessible language, I can support women in exploring and embracing their desires, challenging societal expectations, and promoting healthy relationships.
Through my work, I aspire to dismantle myths, alleviate shame, and promote a deeper understanding of women’s sexuality, ultimately empowering individuals to embrace their authentic selves.
10. Can you recommend more books like Come as You Are?
a) “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle. This book encourages readers to embrace their authentic selves and challenge societal expectations, much like “Come as You Are.”
b) “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown. This book explores the importance of embracing vulnerability and letting go of shame, which aligns with the themes in “Come as You Are.”
c) “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert. This book inspires readers to live a creative and fulfilling life by overcoming fear and embracing their creativity, just like “Come as You Are” empowers readers to embrace their sexual selves without shame.
d) “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown. This book encourages readers to embrace their imperfections, let go of self-doubt, and cultivate a sense of worthiness, similar to the empowering message in “Come as You Are.”
e) “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. This book delves into the effects of trauma on our bodies and minds, providing a valuable perspective on how past experiences can impact our sexual well-being, much like “Come as You Are” explores the connections between psychology, physiology, and sexuality.